Habits die hard.
Its been two months since I really felt like sharing, and in those two months (3 really) I’ve begun a literary journey…As I type this the cat is licking his mouth like he is going to throw up.
I noticed in my previous entries I had issues with term usage of past/present/future; I revisited old MS Word documents and saw the same issues but in the past – Man did I have an opinion stronger than now. Back then I even had the intelligence to support a theory with researched work.
At the end of this little side trip I noticed only 5 short stories were ever finished with the recurring theme of death as a solution. Two of the longer stories with real opinions (political in nature) were never finished; like all the projects I set out to do – I get the feeling nothing gets done.
In the past it was my Grandmother, before her – School, my mother and work; Who or What do I blame now? What is stopping me from getting things done?
This abusive nature of squashing down what I want to do VS what is need to done and then getting approval from others has always been a big issue. For 8 strait years it was hammered more so than before so now I have no opinion- I feel besides my own emotional reaction to things which is usually …Selfish?
Tonight I logged on because someone on DA triggered it, I remembered the password and I have to force myself to remember Deviant Art is not a solution; in fact it is more of a hindrance of time, emotion and financial assets. While I’m no good at juggling social platforms, I need to remember journals should be here in my somewhat anon state of being. I’ve taken down links from DA to here but not from here to DA, I’m considering it.(Man I really have some stories from those chats that grind my nerves. I can be a hypocrite and truthfully say it but some people…)
All those grains of salt and happy little trees.
I would like to say I’ve gained some self control on when to speak and when not to speak; but not speaking makes me feel not true to myself as well as I’ve lost the competence to properly form a argument before bowing out and apologizing. (Even if I was right)
Pet the cat, grains of salt and happy little trees.
-Bad touch Bear