How DO you decorate a Christmas tree?


It started one afternoon while I was being annoying towards Mabibble and smacking two pieces of wood together in the living room.

He was napping so I made a game of seeing which is louder, him snoring/the wood smacking and how long it would take to wake him up. After 10 rounds of banging, I gave up because I was getting sick of making noise; Mabibble wakes a hour later in his tired talk slur which I usually ignore.

“I should have bought a tree.”


I hate talking to a half asleep Mabibble because he tends to babble. How does one decorate a Christmas tree where it looks nicely designed and not tacky?

I googled and lightly sifted design catalogs, thought back to my neighbors trees, company trees & Mabbible’s family tree.

To me all I see is a tree with junk on it.

Wasteful, expensive and very breakable junk.

I have loads of things that are hang able on a tree; they aren’t festive but its the kind of crap people use minus the glitterfuck it leaves behind. What exactly makes half the things they market as Christmas ornaments christmassy? Unless it’s sporting a holiday trademark, isn’t it just a normal figurine?

I later asked Mabibble if I got some sticks from outside and glued them together, got some tinsel and put up colorful lights – if that would be good enough and he gave me a look which I only interpreted it as:

“If I wanted a anorexic stick to set fire to my house I’d invite over *********.” Actually Mabibble’s face doesn’t do sarcastic-funny so imagination supplied that. I guess to him its a magical holiday- the whole tree+ornaments+gifts under&family; but to me I honestly could give a shit less, especially because he keeps unplugging my fairy lights but will leave a lamp on all night.

OH! I just got a idea to glitter-fy his underwears; I doubt he’ll notice and when he farts a mist of superfine blue glitter will float gently around his ass…

I can say one of the better reasons for having Mabibble around is I get to do things like this with no great fear of retribution and then I remember he confiscated a box of my art supplies because of some shenanigans with a dead bird which is why I knit now…


I’ll figure something out.

-Bad touch Bear



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