How DO you decorate a Christmas tree?

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It started one afternoon while I was being annoying towards Mabibble and smacking two pieces of wood together in the living room.

He was napping so I made a game of seeing which is louder, him snoring/the wood smacking and how long it would take to wake him up. After 10 rounds of banging, I gave up because I was getting sick of making noise; Mabibble wakes a hour later in his tired talk slur which I usually ignore.

“I should have bought a tree.”

Hmm.

I hate talking to a half asleep Mabibble because he tends to babble. How does one decorate a Christmas tree where it looks nicely designed and not tacky?

I googled and lightly sifted design catalogs, thought back to my neighbors trees, company trees & Mabbible’s family tree.

To me all I see is a tree with junk on it.

Wasteful, expensive and very breakable junk.

I have loads of things that are hang able on a tree; they aren’t festive but its the kind of crap people use minus the glitterfuck it leaves behind. What exactly makes half the things they market as Christmas ornaments christmassy? Unless it’s sporting a holiday trademark, isn’t it just a normal figurine?

I later asked Mabibble if I got some sticks from outside and glued them together, got some tinsel and put up colorful lights – if that would be good enough and he gave me a look which I only interpreted it as:

“If I wanted a anorexic stick to set fire to my house I’d invite over *********.” Actually Mabibble’s face doesn’t do sarcastic-funny so imagination supplied that. I guess to him its a magical holiday- the whole tree+ornaments+gifts under&family; but to me I honestly could give a shit less, especially because he keeps unplugging my fairy lights but will leave a lamp on all night.

OH! I just got a idea to glitter-fy his underwears; I doubt he’ll notice and when he farts a mist of superfine blue glitter will float gently around his ass…

I can say one of the better reasons for having Mabibble around is I get to do things like this with no great fear of retribution and then I remember he confiscated a box of my art supplies because of some shenanigans with a dead bird which is why I knit now…

 

I’ll figure something out.

-Bad touch Bear

 

From hot to cold

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Holiday cheer.

Its harder to escape when you live in a house where neighbors are across the street and on left and right. Blinking lights tackily hanging in obvious places, blow up lawn clutter – one neighbor had a blow up Santa hanging from their roof, there was a big smile on my face this morning when it wasn’t there. I’m going to assume the wind got it…Now if only the wind would be a helpful accomplice and eat up the rest of their lawn friends – Halloween was really ridiculous but not extremely garish.

I’m Jewish, mentioned many times and I grew up Jewish. So envious of my neighbors as a kid with their holiday lights and the shiny bauble decorated tree, all I had were some yucky wax candles in unpopular muddled colors or the electric menorah where I got to screw in a bulb for each day. Then sometime later in the 90’s I saw strands of just blue lights – I wanted them so badly but my father wouldn’t have it and said the lights in the basement were good enough.

I JUST realized after that house has been long gone and demolished I never took with me the festive and very old fashioned light set with me. The bulbs were all sorts of colors some painted others a see thru color.

Mabibble keeps unplugging my lights so I clawed him earlier.

I don’t regret it – He has stopped me from enjoying a lot of harmless things lately so he had it coming. I feel enough spite in my belly I think I might turn the heat down low, lower than 68 degrees. He touches the thermostat way too much and most of the past decade of living in a heat controlled environment, I relish in being able to go to sleep under a warm blanket and not have freezer packs by my feet and sides.

When the cooler weather hit I was a bit stunned. I own only two long sleeve every day shirts. I used the holiday sales to buy a fleece, hoodie & lots of warm lounge pants but somehow I forgot the long sleeve shirts so I just wear a blanket cape 27/7.

I wonder how long it would take me to knit a blanket?

My grandmother knit beautiful heavy blankets but I HATE them…I like the heavy scarves I’ve knit though, maybe a cape.

Wouldn’t that be weird – wandering around at home and in public wearing a cape? A hooded cape no less…Hooded poncho cape…

Ugh

– Bad touch Bear

 

 

Generating electricity by peeing in your socks

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And here is a wtf article provided by eideard…

Eideard

urine-power-socks-2

Peeing in one’s socks may not be everyone’s first choice for powering their mobile devices, but apparently it could be an option. A team of researchers from the Bristol BioEnergy Centre at the University of the West of England is experimenting with a pair of socks that use urine to generate electricity via miniaturized microbial fuel cells. Results have already started to trickle in, with the system used to run a transmitter to send wireless signals to a desktop computer…

The key to this rather unorthodox style of footwear is the MFC, which converts organic matter directly into electricity. Inside the MFC there is a mixture of ordinary anaerobic microorganisms that release electrons as they feed – in this case, on the urine. The technology has been under development for 30 years, but because of problems in scaling up the technology to provide significant amounts of power…

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Under a rock, hiding with the dirty dishes…

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There’s a dirtied pot sitting on my treadmill and next to that is the cat whose yawned for the fourth time. I think he has gotten tired of trying to telepathically tell me he is hungry; that bastard is always hungry.

Fifth yawn is followed by a upwards stretch and a ‘Buwwumpa-Bwooppuh’ which loosely translates to ‘I see movement and I know its you’; the blanket I’m hiding under isn’t doing the job.

For the past couple months basically I’ve lived under a new rock, synonymous with moving into this new home. Aberdeen…Its NOT Brooklyn, and GOD do I miss Brooklyn. Sometimes I hear sirens here too, but more likely its the annoying neighbors and thier yappy dogs, yappy kids or gas guzzling trucks; I do not 100% like it here. I miss my Grandmother, Bo – the other cat and all the conveniences of living in a metropolitan area…Supermarket under a mile away – the subway and busses! Yet what I miss most of all is the sky.

Four stories in the air with a fire escape, I had a wonderful view of humanity at work. If I climb to the second floor of this house all I see is other houses & trees BLOCK SUNRISE AND SUNSET…Its sent me into a slight depression. Mabibble knows what time it is because I’ll complain loudly around the times of sunrise and sunset; he is usually playing videogames or sleeping OR BOTH. He sleeps VERY WELL, once he managed to fall asleep while eating and had food all over his face and shirt…I may act like a child for attention with loud noises but he has me beat when it comes to the other things babies do…I’ll leave it to your imagination but I’ve come up with a new nickname: Dumptruck McSkiddler. I’m very disappointed with his um…Skills? Cooking, cleaning, self care, lack of vocabulary, lack of forethought, no anger now girl, rein in that hate and save it for another day; just remember – he has qualities that you dont have: The ability to talk to strangers (that are normal) and make friends.

>>Insert a extreme sadface emoji here<< I AM MISSING BROOKLYN BAD! I dont really want to know how much weight I’ve gained or money I spent but I know Mabibble has not…Take away one TV, one playstation and tools except a hammer and bottle nose clipper and thats his possessions bought into this – I even end up buying his underwear and socks because the bastard has stolen countless socks (And a couple shirts). I feel used and there’s no sex involved in this relationship as usual I’ve made myself upset when I just wanted to update on somethings nice.

The cat wont stop crying for food…The imagery popped into my head of a burnt out mother ignoring her crying baby in the crib not too far away while smoking a cigarette. I do not want to feed the cat because I’ll want another cup of coffee which would technically be cups 3 &4 since 8 oz is a serving and my cup holds 14 oz…Rambling – he shut up so I’m guessing he is licking plastic somewhere.

The walls are still yellow, the rug still grey; Mabibble is too busy usually playing videogames and I have no drive to paint. I want navy walls he wants lighter – I tell him to give me money to pay off his loan to me, he goes and buys white paint…Its been sitting atleast 3 months. I have bought light fixtures and other random things..Like a dresser finally. That day is a story for reminicing on how…Y’know its been 4 or is it 3 months and he hasn’t fully patched the hole in the wall. My art supplies are held hostage in the ‘wash room’ along with other boxes in the garage. I haven’t made this place my own really.

Eight years of compact living has resulted in some bad habits and now because Gma isn’t here to gently remind me when to do things, I’ve let the dishes in the sink grow, the stove top isn’t clean and the last time I mopped was sometime in July when I first moved in. Think I also broke the Dyson vacuuming up apple sauce but I’m not telling Mabibble that since I bought it and he used it to vacuum up fireplace ashes. Then there is the bathroom. Thank god there are 3 in this house – I only use the one downstairs and will give no more details on the two upstairs.

Thank you Mabibble – I always wanted a big useless child to live with. I knew I had a temper but if I had the strength to beat him up, oh I would. Even now as he sleeps upstairs he tests my limited patients and when the cat is being bad which is often, I might mistakenly call him Mabibble’s name and not Bear…Why kitty require food at 12AM is just beyond me.

Looks like I’m making that other cup of coffee – Maybe one day I’ll actually invest in a coffee maker because everyone likes surface cluttering appliances

– Bad touch Bear