Who can it be now? Entry for 3/20/15


Que Saxophones.

If you don’t know why I mentioned saxophones, don’t worry too much about it. It’s snowing somewhat heavily, I’ve ‘missed’ another phone call from a unknown number and this past week we’ve had mysterious visitors at the door where I pretended to not be home.

Bear has a cold that cost me 212 USD so far, I think the other cat might have caught it too, I’ve visited a heart doctor and a GI doctor, had my eyes checked – Visited 12 houses on the market and put a bid on one. Renewed my health insurance, made an appointment with a new Dentist..Currently in the process of having 2 months of hellish stomach issues with no resolve in sight.

I’m sure there were other things I did during my absence from blogging but between having to deal with doctors, the cat, Realtors, strangers and lets not forget about Gma; I am no closer to having a new home, finding out what’s wrong with myself or feeling 100%. I can’t honestly say the last time I felt 100% but it might have been in 2012.

Another unknown number called – The only thing I’m looking forward to is a visit from ‘Flo’, who hasn’t shown up and was late last month. Mneh I want to go play Sims4 and finish building houses but right now I have¬†Symphony No. 6 (‘Pastoral’) Op. 68 stuck in my head and I’m considering just going to sleep. I think in my spare time I should currently work on emptying my movie/tv show list. I finished watching Farscape finally and now there is this empty gap that needs to be plugged.

Last thing I read: ‘Watership down’ by Richard Adams

Last movie I’d promote: Jack and his cuckoo clock heart (2013)

I think my first option is best, nap.

I’ll say this – I am very good at sleeping, wish I could get an award for it.

– Bad touch bear.


So I’m not a hypochondriac – Entry for 3/5/2015


20150304 165643 by EdibleShoes

Can any of you decipher this? The doctor wouldn’t tell me my results last week over the phone causing me to wait a week to see him, then a HOUR and a HALF wait till I got him actually in the room and he glosses over the other results but tells me my ESR is high and I have some serious inflammation going on.

No shit Sherlock.
I haven’t been feeling 100% since I went on that shitty Sprintec in August of 2014.
Anything that starts with ‘S’ is evil now – Even before this when I was on Sensa as a diet I felt sick and bloated.
I had bouts of ‘swelling pain’ as best as I can put it around my liver area.
Two weeks ago on a Thursday I forced myself to go to the doctor because I was having heart palpations for three days strait. I thought it anxiety but I don’t really have much to worry about at the moment that would cause this kind of chest pain; after I went to the doctor I had to wait a week for blood to be taken because there were no appointments available.
See my major gripe with medical professionals are they either make me wait a long time or they do not fully explain things.
I knew something was wrong and he told me on my first visit, nothing was wrong.
He took a EKG, it came back fine.
Blood work comes back and he has to say now something is wrong, another EKG and nothing shows up.
He says nothing is wrong with my liver or kidneys…But why do I have a white film on my tongue?
Lately I’m also suffering from EXTREME burning in my stomach, I don’t think this pain I experienced Monday night was acid reflux.
It was …That pain I wouldn’t wish on anyone it was so bad I passed out; yet I didn’t go to the doctor because I knew he wouldn’t do anything for me. My final symptom that started up was joint arthritis in my hands; its gotten really bad to where I’ll wake in the morning like I was clutching something for dear life.

Its times like this I really miss my mother or at least some guiding force that would step forward, take my hand and explain things and help me out. I have to make an appointment with a cardiologist now, I seriously hate having to dig out the book of doctors my medical plan has – I feel its just a list of people who will fail me.

I feel so miserable right now because it could be anything and for two years strait I knew something wasn’t right but the doctors I went to said nothing is wrong with me. I’m seriously considering a new DM, he was suppose to write me a prescription and this is the second time he failed to do so.

I am not happy.

-Bad touch Bear

House hunting – Entry for 3/2/2015


Its been two days since and I still feel overwhelmed and exhausted; I am currently in the process of house hunting.
Saturday I was dragged to New Jersey – ‘Mabibble’ had set up a showing of houses since we have been planning to live together. While he wants a house close to his job, I’m paying for the house – yes entirely – which ultimately means what I want should come first. Realistically, who lives next to their job? You cannot expect for prime property in a ‘mall’ type area unless you are willing to pay a lot more money than I am.

So my list of what needs are:

1 – A play room.
While I am not looking for a BIG house, I need to either feel this illusion or have one whole room I can dominate with my filth; that means it needs to have either 3 -4 bedrooms OR a basement OR atleast ONE ROOM that is big that ISN’T the living room.

2 – Property size.
I grew up in a small one story house that had a basement and attic, we had a garage with driveway on a 60×100 piece of land (or was it 80×100 – I don’t remember). For the amount of money I am spending – I expect this size or bigger since property in New York cost more than New Jersey I thought. While I realize no house will be my ‘dream house’ I need a front yard and reasonable sized back or side yard for gardening.

3 – Location.
I realize having a big piece of property within the amount I wish to spend VS location is going to be tough. I want my home to be located near some sort of public transportation. I do NOT want to be in a flood zone and I DO NOT want to be located where ‘Mabibble’ has picked.

My list is pretty vague but I know what I want. We saw a SEVEN houses that Saturday and by the end I felt like I was a mindless thrall including the drool. One of the houses I was actually in love with SO MUCH IT GAVE ME A PANIC ATTACK. I bet your reading and thinking, ‘what?? If you love it – it shouldn’t do that’ but my logic is not like your logic and I don’t feel like – I feel dizzy just thinking about that house. I’m sure this entry would perhaps be wildly hilarious if I put the effort to describing these houses and the PEOPLE met in some of them…But I don’t want to. I experienced so many emotions in one day I’m feeling the after affects two days later.

I guess I’m being greedy.
I didn’t see a house that met my criteria, I threw a tantrum the following morning for multiple reasons not just including house viewing. I think something is up with my body since earlier that month I had serious heart palpitations and after a blood test the doctor wants to see me. He wouldn’t give me any info over the phone but said its not urgent. He needs to be punched; you do NOT withhold information to someone like me who is anxiety prone- I see him Wednesday.

I wish I had someone to coach me on buying my first home – I need to sleep for the next week and not be woken by some shitty cat named Bear or forced to wake up because sleeping all day is a crime in Gma’s book.

I don’t feel like blogging lately, I might take a break even though this is good for me emotionally.

– Bad touch Bear