Accumulative stray thoughts – Entry for 2/7/2015


I wonder what a man without a testies looks like…Deviant art, the website I host all my images on has gone to the gutter. There are so many nude shots that are just horrible looking! I don’t care if you think they are artistic – Your lighting is shit, your focus is just a genital and there is 0 composition.

I have to admit, even though I hate some of these narasistic shots; I have a better idea of what other people look like naked. I did take nude artist drawing classes in college but I didn’t really ‘absorb’ anything since I felt too embarrassed and MOST of them were elderly and large.

‘MABIBBLE’ tells me some kids parents had their male children altered. He said there was one in elementary school – to be honest I’ve heard of women in Africa with mutilated genital thanks to parents/lover, but a parent going to the hospital and getting their male child’s balls removed? I think ‘MABIBBLE’ is missed a part of that kid’s story. Often this happens and I’m told incorrect information.

Bear has been sitting next to me on the couch and bed lately. He isn’t generally a huggy cat, maybe he realized something was up. The food restriction is here to stay; no matter what time he wakes me up I refused to feed him unless it is 5 AM or later and every time Grandma puts down a damned bowl of dry food I immediately pick it up.

I suffered a lactose attack this week and it was intense; I don’t really feel like going into the details. There are a couple reasons why I have ZERO interest in drugs, I compare it to my love of dairy and the after math. No its not like seeing a human-like creature sweating profusely and begging, willing to do dirty acts just for the GOUDA. Nothing like that… But there is lots of sweating, possible passing out and PAIN. EXTREME STOMACH PAIN which makes me think I’m dying. Thank god ‘MABIBBLE’ was here – then again when ‘MABIBBLE’s around and I’m having an attack I feel worse than when alone. I think it has to do with being embarrassed.

I tried shrimp scampi pizza and it was AMAZINGLY DELICIOUS for New Jersey pizza…The second slice I went after was stolen out of my mouth by an adorable 1 year old. She really loved that pizza too – even after she stepped on it, banged her head and had it stolen by her older sister she fought back asking for more. I believe this is the first time I bonded with a child, it was all due to pizza…Then she kept trying to steal my water bottle resulting in a drenched shirt. Sadly that pizza was what lead to my lactose attack.

I feel so lightheaded right now; its what happens after a lactose attack. Lightheaded and trippy. You’ve never done drugs! How do you know what tripping feels like? I swear I just saw a cartoonish figure looking at me hang dog and my eyesight has become really sharp… Microscopic dust friends are dancing around me…I shouldn’t have gorged after feeling a little better. Know what? I think that attack was closer to asphyxiation, that would explain a lot.

I came across a website that sells a variety of grains, nuts and fruits that I’ve been wanting to try. Sixty something dollars later I’ve added to my stomach ache a sugary peanut irritation. The French Burnt weren’t as I remembered them as a kid but the Buffalo peanuts I enjoyed…The items came in pound like fashions so you would have no idea how much I ate while reading all the newest entries on my blog feed but that doesn’t really matter because while thinking I got the spicyness of one variety on my face and neck.

I would not order Goji berries from them again. I don’t know what the berries are suppose to taste like but what I got was crunchy and tasteless.

I am so tired. I ate these nuts at 10PM close to 11PM so now I have to stay awake till 1AMish. I was around children today, I didn’t interact with them like normal adults might but just watching them tired me out.

I have to admit I like children that are old enough to walk, but not old enough where they talk back. I want one! But I know I’ll never have a blond/blue eyed kid like the ones I got to ..Did I play with them? It was more like stalking I think – Stalking with permission under the guise of ‘baby sitting’? I guess it would be better phrased as ‘watching like a hawk but not reprimanding or interfering with behavior.’

‘MABIBBLE’ tricked me. While he said he would go with me to the bank, we went to one a bit far away. Afterwards he said we could go to the ‘Christmas Tree Store’ so I could take pictures of things…By the time I realized I was tricked we had completely traveled into a different state.

Damn you New Jersey and your billowing chemical stack clouds! ‘MABIBBLE’ knows how distracted I can get when I have windows to look out of; I never use to be this easy to entertain, I assume its because I don’t travel much via car.

I might have startled a guy while realizing ‘MABIBBLE’ tricked me; I was complaining loudly enough in a chant like fashion that a person who was looking in the car on the highway jerked and switched lanes. “HATE! HATE! HATE! HATE! BFBB IS NOT HAPPY! NO LONGER BESTEST FRIEND. HATE! TURN CAR AROUND OR…” The sentence didn’t get finished because I then noticed the guy and his funny looking face. I didn’t take it to heart since we were in the car, I got to see chemical clouds and was told I would get to see real babies.

BFB if you must know is what I call myself sometimes in third person; BFBB if I’m in a mood. This only happens with ‘MABIBBLE’, today in public I even referred to myself as such. (We were in a store & later at someone’s house) What it means I’ll leave to your imagination.

Tired…Children + Lactose attack + Overeating peanuts…I feel like I had a near death experience. I probably should have written a direct entry focusing on today.


-Bad touch Bear


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