Untitled angry entry for 2/4/2015


I don’t know if I should start from the beginning or work backwards; I’m angry right now.

I’m angry because Bear bested me with TINSEL.
I’m angry because Bear has been really persistent towards getting food;
he woke me up at 3 AM, 4 AM, 4:30, and 5. He was on the table and countertop this morning.
Then at lunchtime while Grandma had me waylaid he stole my lunch and dragged it on the floor.
I’m angry because I couldn’t find my favorite knit cat hat.
I’m angry because the pharmacy didn’t have aloe vera gel.
I’m angry because a store keeper told me ‘No’.
I’m angry because I encountered flocks of children and loud chattering teenagers, while I walked alone.
I’m angry because I was too scared to really engage with my photographed subjects since its ‘OUTSIDE’ with people.
I’m angry because some idiots in their car rolled down their windows and exchanged one sided words with me.

The last line is the greater source of anger and confusion, once I’m confused anger is sure to follow. What did I do to lure their attention? I was listening to music, bent over slightly taking a picture of a dirtied window & its contents. I have been itching to take photos for the past two weeks – I could have gone to the Aquarium today but instead I went to the Library to pick up books on photo composition. First it started with the hat. My Grandmother hated the red knit hat with cat ears; I didn’t wear it Saturday when ‘Family’ was over and after that I just realized I never saw it again.

I know its bad to blame other people, but dammit I feel like Grandma gave my hat away possibly to Female cousin because in her eyes, Female cousin is much younger…Grandma, you didn’t pay for this hat. I just bought another one off of eBay – hopefully it made with nice wool.

Dressed and wearing my warmest winter coat that makes me look like a giant ball of greyish fur; I plodded to the Library. I figured I would take my camera out and do some test shots. The first encounter was some really nice icicles in a gated area. No matter where I stepped there was snow, a sharp incline and people. The new lens I’m using is pretty big and extends long; I felt so awkward and when I looked up people were looking at me, three of them!

I must have made a face because they quickly looked off. Irritated because I didn’t get what I wanted I walked into the Library and was confronted with a cop and shelves of books on sale blocking the reserves section. A gentle spoken woman approached me to talk about the book sale, which I’ve bought from before but I honestly was focusing on her cellphone; she had left it on the cart and anyone could just up and walk off with it. I felt awkward because I had to point out its not safe to leave belongings like that out; I also felt saying such would show the possibility that I could steal. (Which I wouldn’t since its not shiny and unimportant) If the cellphone wasn’t distracting me – there would have been a purchase since I saw gold leafed pages belonging to old dictionaries. I slightly regret not getting one but the only path would be destruction for such a book in an artistic attempt.

Checked books (2) out, went across the street to CVS. On a good day I will end up getting what I want and something else – that didn’t happen today. The store itself was amazingly filthy and blockaded. It was like someone decided to take their arm and sweep all the items off one shelf and knock things off in odd patterns while plastic bins holding product blocked essential traffic areas. I didn’t see what I wanted and had to hunt down a sales associate. The guy had dead eyes, his replys were short and offered no replacement suggestions so I just left.

Three irrations stacked up I decided to skip going to the Chinese bakery and Dunkin Donuts to look at Valentine themed sweets. Instead I saw a store front that was amazingly cluttered with Valentine goods. I snapped a couple pictures but the reflection of the sun didn’t help. Rarely do I decide to go inside and look at stores like these; I shouldn’t have entered. The two women in there were enthusiastic for a sale – When I moved my camera though, one of them said something with her heavy Russian accent that I assumed meant ‘No photos’.

I do not like being told no so I just left and deleted most her storefront’s photos. I looked into the Dunkin Donuts and someone walked past me too quickly so I changed my mind and decided the corner store might have flowers. I didn’t realize the fast walking teenager would be followed by MORE teenagers but loud female ones. Then flocks of children, some with amusing faces as they were being pulled along. I missed a prime opportunity to take a picture of a poorly dressed geriatric and perfectly groomed white poodle. Thanks flock of teenagers! A couple walked past, Hispanic with ice teas and smiled. Another dog owner turned towards my camera also smiling. I didn’t photograph them, in retrospect I could have but then that meant I too would have to use the correct facial features.

Don’t ask me to smile and don’t talk to me when I’m on the hunt. I stopped at a watch store and took a couple shots, by now I was close to stone faced irritate and the reflection of the glass as well as dirt bested me. That’s when this ugly blue sedan from New Jersey rolls up. I swear they yelled ‘Ashley’, but my headphones were on. Whites. One had nice orange hair but they said some other stuff, confusing me and then irritating me since I didn’t hear. ‘Its against the law’? I have to wonder if it was about my coat or photography or if I was called fat, ‘Go back to the forest you pigmy sasquatch.’
I’m disappointed I didn’t hear them and think fast enough.
There was too many kids and not enough snow.

My camera caught a lot of attention – I don’t know if that’s good or bad but whatever the case, I’m still mad.

I don’t like being told ‘No’ and I want to take more photos.

-Bad touch Bear

Time1 by EdibleShoes


3 thoughts on “Untitled angry entry for 2/4/2015

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