Two days ago I had maybe three journal entries planned and then ‘SOMETHING’ popped up – no clue what it was and I just never got around to doing those entries. *Sigh* This blog was suppose to be a daily journal deal, I think I’m disappointed in myself.
It’s not new news.
I’m planning my ‘New Years Resolutions’ early. I have no clue where I got off to in 2013, I vaguely remember going on a crafting spree but that was early 2014? I know I was watching ‘Lost in Space’ on Hulu and logging things down that are just not plausible, like ‘The pituitary gland is in the nose.’ I remember the father saying that and knowing that factoid to be incorrect; I think I watched most of the series just to point out what was wrong… To be honest currently, all I keep thinking about is the dream I had this morning.
Its not the first time I’ve had a dream with similar theme, which is ‘My mother is alive – she knows everyone but me and claims vehemently that I am of no relation to her and not her child.’ Whenever I have dreams like this my teeth hurt, I’m quick to tears and feel worthless. This is the second time I can remember having this kind of dream but I know its been more, also in the dream I’ve managed a great accomplishment; This time I had just won a award at graduation.
I feel sour right now and don’t feel like detailing the dream from start to finish. I’m just going to list what I think I should focus on in 2015.
– I always put this on my Resolution list of, ‘Loose weight’ & ‘Finish whatever artistic ventures I start’. I just found 2012’s resolution list and that was on there…Along with a shopping list. I think I’ll just list something simple. ‘Remember to take Vitamins EVERY DAY.’
– 2013 I volunteered at the Library; for 2015, do 40 hours of ‘community service’ again.
– In 2013 (I just checked my Library card) I read 161 books. For 2015, read at least 50 books that are not in my comfort zone.
– Be more ‘Friendly’ instead of my usual standoffish façade; It’ll be hard since my neutral face is a frown.
– I have Italian and Russian Rosetta stone and I’ve never devoted myself to learning the languages. Instead of forcing myself to try and finish the lessons (Which just wont happen), my goal is to expand my vocabulary in those languages INCLUDING English. I feel like a dimwit – I read so much but retain so little.
– Do 20 ‘Good deeds’, by this I mean going out of my way to help someone. It does not include chores and giving directions.
– Go for a walk once a week – OUTSIDE, for half a hour with no end goal. If the weather is too cold or wet, time limit is ten minutes.
– Be more forceful with Mabibble in getting things done and making sure they pay off their loan faster.
Hmm…I think that’s it really; closer to the end of the month I’ll put more effort into thinking of my ‘Art’ Resolution list which is things I would like to accomplish in 2015. I fiddled around with my new D5200 and got slightly frustrated with it. Its nothing like a Cannon and the current lens doesn’t get me where I want to be so I wont be taking pictures of people just yet…That’ll be a costly venture anyway; I’d have to create sets, costumes and props…I miss my youth and where I was going.
I wish my mother didn’t die. I stopped having fun and living, I’m very sure I would have more to show for what happened during my earlier 20’s..Oh the past is the past. I need to stop ‘What if’ing!
– Day dream less, Live more. Do not allow ‘What If’ scenarios to heavily influence mood/prevent self from taking any action.
I hate having dreams about my parents, they remind me of the Limbo I’m living in now and how miserable I really am.