A crap-tacular entry for Oct 8th.


It is NO surprise I missed the Blood Moon.

Oh I was awake; If you missed out on my little fail of a poem, I’m blaming the crappy cat. All he did, ALL NIGHT LONG was meow. MEOW MEOW MEOW MOTHER FRIGGIN MEOW. It wasn’t the innocent meowing either, its the ‘I’m hungry’ complaintive noise all small creatures make, yet as he does this – he is clawing the recliner I was sleeping on. So at 1 AM, 2 AM, 2:30 AM, all till 4 AM we battled.

Lesson I have learned? Don’t fill the spray bottle to full capacity since it becomes heavy and instead of getting the cat, I hit myself in the head – many times (Not with water, with the bottle cause my motor functions while tired are about 0). Around 5 AM I fed him and the ungrateful bastard snubbed the food today. I later find he threw up in the bowl after greedily gobbling it down. This morning I was SO AMAZINGLY pissy I proceeded to squirt the cat till I felt comfortable enough for sleep. That didn’t last long since his routine is after wet food – he proceeds to the bathroom. While I empty my poor full bladder, the crappy cat MUST push the door open (Unless I close it properly he will claw it), then – nails scratching the floor, jump, getting his large 20+ lbs carcass unto the sink to complain for water.

The water bowl is not good enough. Generally I find this annoying but the other day, I found a button in the water bowl which leads me to question how often Grandma changes the water. I give in and open the tap – he will sit there for 10 minutes and drink water; preventing me sink access/brushing teeth/washing face.

After he is done – well this morning I was really fed up and began the squirting routine again. Now I just told you readers that he drinks from the tap – with this piece of information – guess WHERE I have to hit in order to get a reaction from the cat.

I have to pretend I’m a sniper. A slight misting on his coat does nothing, if I hit any body parts all he does is lay there and wag his tail. I have to hit either his ears or his butt ( Not bottom, the place where poo escapes). This is no easy feat while in semi- light, half asleep with a heavy bottle. Even wide awake he knows I’m on to him and will give me his backside since it is a larger target.

I am tired.

Not only tired I want to be violent, you may think that I committed many acts of animal abuse this morning, but I know the cat is laughing and saying: ‘Tomorrow morning I’m going to start at 12 AM! I’m not doing this just because I’m hungry, I’m doing it to train your pathetic human ass in AAW.’ (Animal Annoyance Warfare).

I just looked on my mobile for any photos demonstrating how adorable this asshole looks yet all photos captured only promote his large back side in some pornographic pose.

Instead enjoy this photo bomb of things I found on the internet because I want donut leggings.

Sailor Skater Dress


80 USD and the XL is not XL.

Forever out of stock.

Fast Cat


Hey starch – Fancy meeting you again!
I think its a sign, to quell this inner rage I gorge on toast, or I can be smart and eat a sweet potato.
Thanks for reading,
-Bad touch Bear

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