Its almost 1am and I just can’t sleep. I haven’t – no, I know why I cant sleep. Two very easy reasons. One, I just contradicted my self by vacuuming after company left but this room is TOO neatly organized. I rearranged things SO well that I cant sleep! The terrain is alien! I turned off the lights and my imagination lacked things to turn into creepers. That’s honestly a good thing, I give myself night terrors and imagine tall shadows looming over me in the night – I don’t know. Things just look unfamiliar, its stressing me out.

Two, I feel over-socialized. YES there is such a thing! The smell of being social isn’t leaving the living room where I sleep! Its driving me nuts – the foreign smell – its like clothing that sat for a while, damp and then dried with a sweet fabric softener. I HATE that smell. That’s just one sensatory component. I guess I should talk about how dinner worked out with Auntie & CO, over. I just closed my eyes and cringed. It wasn’t bad at all, I got snubbed upon entry by the Auntie, I played the role of servant very nicely by constantly being in the kitchen washing things, cleaning away plates and serving others. Is that what one calls a Hostess? I’m not sure since I’ve had dinner parties before but at them there was this thing I got to do, what was it? OH I KNOW TALK.

While I don’t mind taking backseat – actually I enjoy listening to my family talk while I sometimes ask questions or guide the conversation towards something I want to hear; Most of last night’s conversation revolved around Auntie’s children, Auntie’s work accomplishments, Auntie’s children’s accomplishments, Auntie being vain, Auntie’s upcoming trip to Disney, how fat Bear is and some other junk. Spending the effort thinking about it is fruxtrating. Yes, its Fruxtrating – frustrating and exhausting.

On a positive note my female cousin who is a rice-atarian, ate a nice portion of macaroni & cheese I made. I made it with her in mind, even Grandma and Auntie ate some. It was dry and lacked the creamy-ness to consider it successful – but oh well. You can’t expect me to be fabulous when I had to do a 50 whole wheat/ 50 regular noodle deal and Grandma was staring me down while cooking. Things never turn out well when I’m being watched. Haven’t you ever heard of those magical worker elves that come in the middle of the night to make shoes? I’m a distantly removed relative. I also knew if I seasoned it the way I like, with black pepper and garlic, it would have come out TEN times better. Mneh – if there is ever a next time, I am making it closer to how I would like it. I’m tired of being considerate of childish pallets.

My stomach just visited my mouth. I guess its OK I didn’t add garlic, Jalapeño or bacon.

After about 45 to 1 hour of solitary confinement infront of the sink, I brought out desert. I didn’t bake and I didn’t buy anything. Grandma bought some cream puffs (Which I broke into after they left), I made tea, got to chat – not about myself obviously. Without going into detail, it was good.

This experience was good…They were here for 4 and 1/2 hours.

I gave my female cousin a gnome shirt, she loved it. The younger male cousin a marshmellow man shirt – he didn’t show any appreciation – Bear got to socialize even the other cat came out! My eye twitched. Its 1:30 AM and I am considering sweeping and mopping!

Y’know what – screw it! I am going to get up, and clean – get these social germies off of me and even shower – with the lights off. A clean pair of underwear too – I need some cheering up.

I’m sure after I do all that – then pile some junk on top the dining room table,  I’ll feel somewhat better.

Welp- I’m off to scatter lavender oil all over, sweep, mop, shower and then make a mess.

Contradictory right?

-Bad touch bear


5 thoughts on “…I NEED FILTH!

  1. Socializing can get stuffy many times,but then it can’t be get rid of ! Sometimes,a small change like this makes one realize how much he/she likes his/her surroundings 😉 Sweet dreams bear 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    • Heh, my big male cat ate up all the attention.
      Thanks for asking 🙂

      There was never a option to take her to a diner, and even if there were – I’d still have to clean! No way of getting around it, I had a good laugh btw about your entry with poor Mother, Cookie and Uncle R. I pray I never become a horder or so lax with cleanliness.


      • Boy, that just got crazier and crazier over the years. They finally got so many cats that the pizza man wouldn’t deliver. The cats would take him down for pizza. It would have made a horror movie. This is true!

        Liked by 1 person

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