Dear reader, the following entry contains content that is TMI in nature. If you are a GOOP-er Party pooper or male; sorry for the gross inconvenience.
I feel weak.
Yes I am female, of the weaker species – but today I feel physically weak. Could it be because of my adventures that lead outside yesterday? I knew the sun is dangerous but no – this is a certain kind of weakness that I can only associate with one thing.
Every other couple of words typed I actually close my eyes and do a hard scrunching of my eyes and nose. Its difficult to put this into words without being obnoxious; am I being obnoxious or does the act of talking about this I find obnoxious? I think that is the wrong word, ‘in your face’? Disgusting? Unsavory? TMI. That’s the best I can sum this up as – its a too much information subject that I might consider taboo to talk about.
As a child growing up I was prone to nose bleeds. I can’t tell why as the doctors would give many different reasons; Allergies, Change in temperature, weak vein in the nose. I’d get them at school, home, riding my bike – no where was safe and white became a color I could no long wear. There is also something else I am prone to; Iron deficient anemia.
Thanks to my genetic heritage, Spinach was the enemy. My father would try to force feed it to me – there was no loving doctoring up of this food. My grandpa-pa even bought a can of spinach with Popeye on the label. Say things like ‘You want to be tough like Popeye, right?’ You couldn’t fool me even at that age I was beyond stubborn – so how did the sentence end? ‘If you don’t eat it i’ll beat your toucass’ That’s Yiddish for ass.
I went a round about way, and gave you a story because right now I feel that blood loss weakness – but its not from a simple nose bleed. Its from my menstruation.
I’m squirming right now because its a gusher. Even worse I’ve had it for TWO weeks now, which is unhealthy and a sign of other medical problems. It started on the 22nd of August, spotting – a normal light period. Sometime later that week I realized my period was getting heavier and clumpier. Clumpier? That’s the best I can think of explaining it. When a women during menstruation urinates, often little bits of red ‘lining’ might come out, sitting on the bottom of the bowl or noticed when wiping. (I’m beginning to gag right now ). THIS nightmarish period is showing me loads of this ‘clumping’ in the toilet and after wiping.
I can say that one of the joys of being is a woman means I can have a child, but I can also say being fertile woman means you MUST have a period. I don’t like the monthly red visitor. You ruin my underwear occasionally, you don’t come when I expect it, hormones will go all crazy because of you and when I’m stressed you decide to go on vacations making me believe I’m carrying Satan’s child. I’m not going to talk about my double-helping episodes as a child, PERIOD YOU STRESS ME OUT!
Am I a hypochondriac? I know during ‘that time’ a month, three tablespoons of blood is lost. Pretty small, most of the red goop that escapes is mostly uterine lining, but for myself being Iron deficient AND its been more than a week; this morning I began to worry. Worry so much that at 9:40, I got up and dressed, didn’t eat and walked strait to the ob gyn. I had trouble getting up and felt light headed, I found myself unable to stay awake and no bed wasn’t just THAT cozy I felt it was hard to keep conscious.
Before I mentioned the Internet is a scary tool, you can learn a lot and I’m not a doctor but I know something is up. Cysts? A tumor? Imbalance of hormones? Satan – I KNEW IT IT’S SATAN!
The Ob gyn didn’t calm my fears. She had to examine me and after her I had to get a sonogram, not just the rub belly kind, the INSIDE kind too. Everything hurts and a I’m leaking insecure mess right now. Worse I was a insecure leaky mess all over the exam table, and sonogram wand – well they use a condom to keep it clean but I DETEST LOW TIDE BEING EXPOSED TO OTHERS! Its like a slap in the face when a woman walks past and your like …’Channel No. 5?’ ‘Eau du toilette’? ‘Mating season in the wild’?, No its low tide at the marina and the fishing boats have pulled up with dead fish. I couldn’t stop apologizing! Who wants to encounter smells like that on a daily basis?!
Ahh – two days in a row I had to go outside, that means two days worth of clothing and scrub-down-showering. The doctor couldn’t find anything but that also could be because of my weight. I was prescribed birth control and suggested to take Iron supplements annnd go in a diet.
DYING INTERNALLY EXISTANCE TERMINATED.
Its written in red on soda bottles – that must mean its deadly.
If things get worse she suggested the hospital. The universe is trying to kill me. Outside in two days in a row, mention of a diet and NOW the hospital. All things aside I hope it doesn’t get to the point of going to the hospital – I just ate some dark chocolate chips I was saving for baking because they are high in Iron content; I’ll consider eating meat more often too. When I feel slightly more secure about my lower half I’m going out to buy fresh spinach. I KNOW there is a SLIGHT possibility I over-reacted but this isn’t the first time I’ve had this issue – Wish I bought a extra red bean bun. I’ll have to think about how to approach this diet business again. Diets and Periods are NOT my friends.
– Bad touch-y Bear