I’m not exactly a betting woman, but I was betting on ‘Today’ could be ‘OK’ or at least no reminiscing on a large scale. Instead strait out of the gates, the horse I bet on that is ‘Today’ trips over its feet. I am not fine with crying into the morning Cheerios.
I hate these down-down-up-then mneh kind of days.
I started the off thinking of yesterdays very detailed dream of my favorite EX. I didn’t dump this guy, he left me because mommy didn’t like that I’m Jewish. I’m pretty sure there were other things she didn’t like about me either but religion was a big deal and she threatened to throw him out.
I REALLY loved him, he was the first guy that I not only loved, I made sacrifices for.
Naughty subconscious! I blame this on a detour we took through Staten Island on the 30th to avoid some traffic. The 30th was a spectacular day in comparison to the past week.
Then I thought about my mother again, death anniversary or not she is always in my thoughts. Breakfast ruined, I slapped myself. Yes, just like a posh gentleman would do to a hysterical woman. Growing up with violence, I respond faster to a physical attack than trying to get out of my mental loop of self blame and regret. Of course if someone else hits me, I will call the cops. Darker thoughts subsiding as a cheer up tactic I wrote a list.
I write many lists to keep things in order; but usually my lists are of the ‘To-do’ variety.
Example: I will go outside for 15 minutes without a specific task. <– This is a poor example since if there is no end goal I cant fool myself into its a good thing to do.
Anyway I had mentally begun listing because I regretted throwing out the cat piss movies – many of which were VHS and watched-till-worn or ruined from kitty liquid.
After that I lit my yahrzeit candle and proceeded to Youtube.
God I’m grateful for people who post these movies on the internet. Cute vids of animals are like dime baggies to me, once you pop you can’t stop. Want to know what I watched? Take a gamble on these links, I promise you its mostly rated PG/N-17 in nature content. Link 1, Link 2, Link 3, Link 4, Link 5, Link 6
So onwards to this list in progress:
The Jungle Book
Beauty and the Beast
Snow white and the Seven dwarves
Lady and the Tramp
The fox and the hound
The princess and frog
My Neighbor Totoro
Kiki’s Delivery Service
Howl’s Moving Castle
The Secret World of Arrietty
4Kids Newtork Movies
Star Street Happy birthday Movie
The elm-enchanted forest
Gigi the magical princess (Minky Momo)
The little fox or Vuk
Quark the dragon slayer
Lyle lyle Crocodile
Original Winnie the Pooh movie
La Planète sauvage
The secret of Kells
Clementine’s Enchanted Journey
Clementine: A Young Girl and Her Dreams
The brave little toaster
The Secret Garden
The little princess
Jim Henson movies
The great bunny picnic
If you’ve managed to make it this far and have a movie you’d like to share – drop a suggestion in the comments area.
Thanks for reading,
-Bad touch Bear